September 15, 2005

Floating along the night …dark skyline…my eyelashes glide along the street lights…my voice hummmmmmms through my archaic streets…Ella’s waves are crashing off in the dark…I turn to look at dimly lit windows…I turn to hear the rumbling of feral cats, cling lids of trash cans and metal beer cans with paper thrashing against plastic bottles…I see used condoms shrivled up behind the building, a bent tube of spermicide smeared with muddy dirt…I feel a subtle humidity roll in with the coastal fog….all my memories of those nights get washes into one memory of stillness, my heart is still kept in suspension…with delicate moments my dreams cause a draft upon my reality…a million landscapes drape upon my every emotion that I can remember…how long will this last…this dream…this fog…this haze…these not so real vivid moments…abandonment and all is rolling stones rolling to who knows where….I whistle, hum into the night while every one else was sleeping or having a all night sport fuck….how often my solitude brings an eternity to conquer gods and reconcile my arrogance, but only in my arrogance could my heaven be forced down to earth and lived….the slow breeze pushing the plants around….the loose door hinged to the backyard fence swings with a creek and a howl and dinggggg, squeak, grind slide, slap, dinggggg….wind blowing the tarp tacked to the shabby roof of the abandoned house in the distance….black birds flying in the dead of night aimlessly.

Work was tough…the gazes of my city annihilated me and I must have drank something from the bar that was stronger than usual because I found myself left off at a park bench a couple of streets away from my work. I remember a man, and someone hiding behind my back, and a groan, a growl. I noticed my top button had disappeared on my jeans, and the zipper was broken off. I remember Ella, and her saying that haunts me, “you must forgive the devil with the man …you must forgive the world that has been raped in one hormonal flush of man with that devil….you must forgive the boy who subconsciously rapes every symbol of his mother without knowing…you must forgive the best of boys who are slapping the whole world into death…forgive their loneliness and embrace in them the cloud that is their heart beat…forgive…forgive…forgive...the worlds breath….”